Are You Ready for the Summer?

The Schmuck is back from hiatus by popular demand and itcouldn’t be any sooner.  I feel somenegativity seeping in what with LeBron in the NBA playoffs and the OSU footballprogram going to straight to the toilet…here’s a refreshing look at what’sgoing right in the world.

Did someone say ice cream?

1. Happy Summer!  It’s officially here with record breaking heat.  Hey, we asked for it. Eat some ice cream. Go swimming. Plant some flowers. Take in a ball game. Sit on the porch and watch the sunset at 9:00 p.m.

2. Take in a ball game.  Despite a little streak of bad offense, theTribe is still leading the AL Central by 5 games.  Our pitching staff has been hot- Tomlin has aleague high 7 wins. Chris Perez’s 14 saves ranks #2 in the league (and as manyas Mariano Rivera, I might add) Keep the momentum going by voting our guys ontothe All Star team! Do it now.  Here’s thelink.

All Star Game Voting

And while you’re at it, buy sometickets and get to the ballpark. Indians Tickets

Working up an appetite

3. Fire up the grill!  After a day in the yard or at the pool, makesome ribs, corn on the cob, and watermelon. Wash it down with a cold beer. Clickhere for Mary Jane’s Famous Belly Rub recipe and my go-to Tortellini salad withfresh tomatoes and basil.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

March is finally here, and there is oh so much to be optimistic about.

"It's a Game!"

March Madness

This is truly the best sporting event ever invented. All season teams fight for a ticket to the dance.  They play their hearts out proving to the world that they deserve to be there. They give 100% every minute on the floor because they must win to play another day or go home. Its where...

•  a kid from Wofford College (enrollment 1,500 - about the size of my high school class) can play on national TV

• teams like Butler can go to the championship 

• you hold your breath as you kneel and pray that the shot to tie the game at the buzzer goes in

• you clench your bracket and scream out loud when one of your Final Four eeks out a win in double overtime.

• you don’t give two hoots about your bracket when a 14 seed is beating a 3 seed in overtime.

• you share it all with your friends and family over a few beers and some Pepperoni Pittsnogles.

Best of all, it’s 12 hours a day for the next four days. Go Bucks!

St. Patty’s Day

Although my kegs and eggs days are probably over for life, who doesn’t love corned beef and green beer?  Plus, what other day of the year can you get away with talking like a leprechaun all day?

Girl Scout Cookie Season

Every year, my husband and I “accidentally” buy “too many” boxes of cookies.  “Oops!  I didn’t know you ordered five boxes too!” Mmmmm… Thin Mints out of the freezer, Samoas at midnight, Trefoils with coffee, and Do-Si-Dos for dessert after corned beef and cabbage.  I always have a box handy… sitting right next to my bracket.

Martha Stewart Wants To Be Me

 …even though she doesn’t even know me.

Last week the theme of one of her shows was “Happy Hour.”  I anxiously clicked it from the DVR list, poised with a pen to copy down some of her fantastic cocktail recipes. But when the show started, I learned it wasn’t about cocktails at all.  It was about little things to do or look for every day that can make you HAPPY. What a stellar idea!  I think she’s following The Optimistic Schmuck anonymously.

Here’s a summary of some of “her” ideas:

Pictures of babies WITH dogs can make you downright blissful

• Look at pictures of babies. (check)
• Own a dog. (check) 
• Exercise. (check) 
• Eat salmon. (check)Mmmm… My Dad’s secret to awesome salmon. Grill it with a glaze of
  3Tb Brown Sugar
  2Tb Soy Sauce
  1 Tb Dijon
  Then serve with a sauce of
  1 Tb Glaze from above
  1tsp white vinegar

• Make your bed every day. (check)  I am a bedmaker.  My husband is not. For 10 years now I’ve been pleading with him since he is usually the last one out of bed.  Making the bed makes the room look neat. It declutters my head. Martha adds that you feel happy when one chore is checked off your list as soon as you get out of bed.  It makes me happy to make lists and check them off. (check)

Bonus:  Here is a recipe for a great Martha cocktail that makes my friends and me very, very happy...The Winter Solstice.

Mother Nature Gave us a Taste of Spring!

Julia's Hanging Out

Blustery but warm, my brother Scott and I dressed the kids in jackets and boots and took them to the playground last week. The snow was almost completely melted and it was plenty muddy. Who cares, it was 56 degrees and we were on swings and slides. 

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business

The best show on TV is having a “reunion” of sorts. Not sure who I’m rooting for yet.  I will not let my disgust of country music dissuade me from The Cowboys- they should have won back in Season 16.  But I love the Globetrotters too.

Thank God they didn’t ask Rob and Amber- I would boycott.   I miss Jonathon and Victoria from Season 6.  They made my marriage look like paradise. 

And where are Brian and Greg, “The Brothers” from Season 7?  Brian is probably busy doing more hilarious Miller Light Commercials.

 

The Wine & Gold and “The Streak”

The fire inside. Definitely inside.

1. Wine: The best thing about sub zero temperatures is that you can warm up with red wine. While the weather begs for robust California Cabs and hearty South American Malbecs, I light my fire with Spanish reds such as Garnacha de Fuego. And lots of it this NBA Season.

According to the label, these Old Vine gems grow in crappy gravel where it never rains and no one wants to live.  Lovingly harvested and fermented, it’s spicy and friendly and scored an 87 on the Parker scale. At only $8.99 a bottle, it’s the perfect pair with an Optimistic Schmuck.

2.Gold: My friend Tracy invited me to a “Gold & Silver” party at her house this week. I've  always been a skeptic about these types of things. If it seems too good to be true, it must be illegal. But what the hell. "It can't hurt"

The husband and I went through the vault and found a few things we could part with.  Some were gifts from him to me while we were courting. We are romantic and sentimental, but also wildly passionate about cash.

Judge Judy, the no-nonsense appraiser, inspected my bounty at the kitchen table.  She called me “honey” and threw a couple of fake earrings back as I blushed.  I was nervous, but there was no turning back. 

After a few minutes of separating, weighing, and calculating, she pulled out her money bag and began pulling out bills. I held my breath.

Suddenly she turned into Monte Hall.  “Hold out your hand,” she said smiling as she counted out four one hundred dollar bills. Jackpot! What a (gold) rush!

Everyone Loves Jared

3. The Streak: Our #1 ranked Ohio State Buckeyes are 24-0! These guys have more moves than U-Haul. Jared Sullinger is unbelievable. I’m not sure how many weeks there has been a Freshman of the Week award, but the dude’s won 11 of them.  Here’s the schedule, set your TiVo.

The Storm of the Century and Other Good Things

1. Happy Groundhog Day!  C’mon Punxsatawney Phil. Be a man!  Don’t be scared of your own shadow! Or high winds, frozen snow, and subzero temperatures!  

I'm in the Mood

2. The Odd Couple.. Martha Stewart and Robert Plant, two of my idols from opposite sides of the entertainment spectrum, posing backstage at the Letterman taping.   I wonder if Martha will use her fabulous Citrus Press to demonstrate how to squeeze his lemon ‘til the juice runs down his leg. 

3. Local media is reporting that (frozen?) groundbreaking for the highly anticipated Greater Cleveland Aquarium begins today.  It will be where the Powerhouse on the West Bank currently stands. It will showcase a SeaTube that will “allow visitors to walk underneath the marine environment.”  I hope it extends to the Cuyahoga River.  I would pay extra to see all the crap that fell in after the cops busted up Nautica gigs. And even more for a super-secret backstage entrance.

 Bonus:  Our one-year-old Julia is learning how to talk.  Every day our “parrot” says new words- “dog”, “sock”, “duck”. Today, as we watched the dog in the backyard, she said “poop.” Freaking cute.

3 Things- Here's How it Works

1. Started my new blog today! Aunt Carol will likely be my only follower, but that’s fine...I look forward to her comments. Though her wit is usually hilariously cynical, I know she’s a glass half full type of gal. (love ya Aunt Boobie!) 

2. Since I live in the snowbelt and don’t plan on moving anytime soon, it is time I embrace winter and take advantage of all the cold weather activities that are within minutes of our house. Like skiing. Cross country skiing at Chapin Forest is great exercise and a wonderful way to enjoy the outdoors in the winter. And the image of my friend Mimi rolling down the hill like a snow tumbleweed, skis and poles flailing, is something that will keep me laughing all winter long. (Forget that I landed head first into a ditch of running water trying to avoid running over her.. ah good times). 

Embrace Winter

“People ask me what I do in the winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.” - Rogers Hornsby 

 3. Catchers and pitchers report to Goodyear Park on Feb. 16. I’ll be watching the calendar and the OSU Bucks instead of the Cavs. (My husband actually threw the schedule in the trash. Ouch) It should come as no surprise that The Optimistic Schmuck as also a Cleveland Sports Fan. The titles are synonymous.